Practicing your relationship like an art form builds love and resilience…
whilst eliminating unnecessary suffering…
We’re taught Maths, Science and English but not the Art of Relationship
How much more satisfying might our relationships be if we gave them as much attention as we do in learning our careers or hobbies, rather than as we often do, expecting them to just happen? Or operating on automatic pilot creating relationships just like the ones we grew up around, for better or worse?
Meaningful intimate relationships are seen as one of the most important aspects of life yet are also seen, in a world of amazing achievements, as still one of the most difficult to achieve.
How can we make relationships more rewarding and more resilient?
We can do this by making relationship into an art form, living it according to our conscious choice rather than our unconscious patterning. In the early days of a relationship when the attraction is at its most intense, we have a perceived sense of ‘perfection’, where our partners can do little wrong. This ‘positive’ projection is commonly seen as ‘looking through a pair of rose coloured glasses’. When this honeymoon period passes and we start to see each other as faulty, we pull away in hurt and disappointment- this wasn’t what you signed up for! And the relationship starts to break down. However if you can see this process as a natural evolution, as part of getting more real, of dropping the mask of niceness and being human, and being open to moments of ‘perfect imperfection’ – this is where the art of relationship begins.
We stop seeking ease and comfort. We become willing get real, more alive and authentic.
If we can learn to love the realness more than the mask, this is where the perfection of our partner never needs to end. Love arises in the intimacy of truly seeing all the layers of each other, and the magic that lies within us, more clearly. And when we don’t take ourselves too seriously it can even be fun being imperfectly perfect!
An even deeper layer of relationship begins when we choose to see ourselves and our partners as seeking each other in order to become whole.
That our relationship with our significant other, including the pain and suffering we experience with them, is the force that moulds the ‘rough diamond’ of our conditioned personality (who we think we ‘should’ be to be safe and loved) into our most free and authentic self (who we actually are).
This means we make a conscious choice to not function purely from our ego self – that part of us which blames our partners for what is wrong, and wants to be right and in control. And to get everything exactly the way that it wants it. We choose to also function from the conscious mind, heart and soul. The parts of us that are willing to look within and see where WE are helping to create our reality.
This may sound like hard work, which it is, but it is ultimately very freeing. Because try as hard as we might, it is impossible to change another, we can only change ourselves. Change is an inside job.
Soul not ego perspective
Conscious relationship – whether it is with your beloved, your family, friends etc, takes the view that no matter how important the external relationship appears, the primary relationship we have is always with ourselves.
This means choosing to see from the perspective that what is happening around us, including our relationships is, at least at some level,
a reflection of what is happening within us.
If we can see this and take responsibility for our part, we’re empowered to change any undesired outcomes from within ourselves.
This definitely doesn’t mean we should ignore the negative behaviour of those around us.
Instead, taking responsibility for our own part offers us a greater range of responses to what is happening around us.
And the cosmic joke is, if what happens around us is a reflection of what lies within us, if we don’t acknowledge our part in our current relationship, we will merely recreate it in the next one. Have you ever seen this in your relationships? We say, you might as well learn to deal with whatever it is as much as you can with the partner you have, rather than going to the trouble of getting a new one, only to end up in the same place. Very often once the issue is resolved in ourselves the current relationship takes on a whole new bloom.
Problems and challenges as gifts
In this way, we come to understand our ‘problems’ as gifts that help us see ourselves more clearly, and as challenges that force us to grow.
Our intimate partners challenge us more than anyone else on earth. That’s why realtionships can be challenging even for otherwise successful people. This is because the ‘challenges’ from our most intimate partners are usually deep enough to take us right back to our early experiences of childhood, where we first learned about relationships.
These early experiences of our wounded (or at least incomplete) inner child – were where we learned our strongest conditioned behaviours in order to survive, to get our needs met and to gain love and approval. They are also where we learned to feel inadequate, not good enough and unlovable. When we’re responding to adult relationship from our wounded child self our pain is greater and our skills are few. Chaos reigns when both people are acting out from their wounded child. It’s also where, with the right help, the greatest gifts of healing and wholeness can come from.
In the art of relationship we choose to move beyond being whole only when we are with the other- and letting their conditioned personality strengths support our weaknesses. For example, like the couple with one very dramatic and emotional partner whilst the other is the quiet with little to say. We would see this as an opportunity for the expressive person to learn the gifts in being more contained and the quiet one in standing up and being seen.
This allows each partner to become more whole within themselves. It doesn’t mean they will no longer want their partner, they’ll probably want them all the more. They’ll do so from a place of love and joy, rather than from incompleteness and unconscious need.
A safe container
A conscious relationship is the ideal place where these wounds, when triggered are healed. We create a safe, honouring container in which we can each learn the skills to safely show ourselves and reveal all the layers of who we are. The layers of our conditioned, authentic and Divine selves. We receive the gift of seeing all of this in our partners as well. This is true intimacy.
This is ultimately a totally liberating, but more challenging way to view relationship, because it means we can no longer play a victim role. It takes courage and a willingness to face the unknown in ourselves and our partners. This is the pathway of self awareness and self responsibility, which leads to personal authenticity, relationship freedom and love beyond imagining.
It keeps a freshness and spontaneity in the relationship and offers the deepest of connections through shared vulnerability, understanding and love. It is a journey well worth taking.
We teach you to create a safe and empowering container in your relationship for growth to happen through the art of relationship!