Healthy Sexual Masculinity - Intimate Relationships

Erection Problems

Anxiety, Healthy Sexual Masculinity, intimate relationship

Your erections have been the one thing in life you’ve always been able to rely on…

The part of you that always rises to the occasion no matter what.

Except for the very rare night when you might have had way too much to drink… they’ve even shown up when you didn’t particularly want them to, walking past a cute girl on school sports day in your speedos or for absolutely no reason at all at the dinner table… Now, all of a sudden in your 50’s, or maybe even in your 40’s you’re starting to notice a troubling new trend. Orgasm takes longer to reach, erections take longer to arrive or are less reliable. Sometimes, occasionally, in fact not very often but often enough to be a concern, your erection has chosen not to show up. Your lover’s been very understanding but you find it highly embarrassing just the same. If you think about it you realize it’s been awhile since you last woke in the night with a nice, strong “woody”. Perhaps masturbating has become less frequent and more porn dependent. Fears of erection problems are looming for the first time. We show you what you can do about them.

So what’s going on here? Many things actually. The main thing is to realize is that your body is talking to you and you’d better stop and listen or these gentle hints it’s giving you will become a baseball bat and eventually a Mack truck!

Erections Do Come & Go

Despite what we see in porn it is normal in real life sex for erections to come and go (other than when you’ve come and gone for all money…) It’s NORMAL. Porn has put some unrealistic expectations out there, making it seem like erections need to be rock hard and constant. However, in porn the use of Viagra is rife, along with what are called “fluffers”, people employed to help get a male porn actors erection back when it drops and where, when erections are lost the filming is simply cut and edited to appear there is no pause. Making love is a real life event, and like nature, there are ebbs and flows within it. Especially when we stop performing and get more present and more real.

If it’s more than just having a down moment…

Let’s take a look at what could be happening. And remember that underlying all the possible causes we’ll discuss is the fact that your erections are created from your sexual or life force energy. Yes, we understand it is about the amount of blood filling your penis, the health of your blood vessels, the nervous system involved etc. But underneath all this lies your energetic wellbeing, the part of you that fires your passion, motivation, your sense of masculine self and your YES to life.

How is Your Physical Health?

The first thing to look at is your overall health. You’re no longer Mr Indestructible and your cock is one of the first parts of your body to be affected so listen to the messages it’s giving you. How fit are you? Do you get regular exercise (especially of the high intensity and weight lifting kind), eat enough vegetables, drink plenty of water, minimize your sugar, smoking and alcohol intake? When was the last time you had a checkup with the Dr? Strong links have been found between men who don’t exercise, and who have high blood pressure, heart disease and diabetes so rule these out or get them treated. Also some medications for high blood pressure, depression, pain relief and allergies can cause erectile problems so if this is you ask your Dr for a different kind of treatment. If you knew your cock depended on it, would you be willing to make some healthier lifestyle choices??

Male menopause: more Drs are now accepting that whilst men don’t go through the same clearly defined process of menopause as women do, they definitely experience a slow reducing of their testosterone levels, beginning around 45-50 and peaking around the age of 70yrs. Symptoms of low testosterone are reduced libido, fatigue, weakness and depression. Testosterone injections can help reduce these.

Also review your emotional wellbeing.

How are your stress levels and how do you manage them? Do you find yourself frequently angry or anxious? What do you do with your anger- express it, suppress it or be healthy in it? When was the last time you took time out for yourself or had a holiday? Are you doing a job you love or merely existing? What are you passionate about these days? When do you have fun? How do you see yourself as a man? All vital questions.

How is your relationship with your partner? Do you feel in a good place, a bit disconnected or is there a growing gap between you with unresolved issues simmering along under the surface? Do you have unexpressed resentment toward them? Take a risk and talk about them. Many more relationships die from a lack of argument than from too much. It may get messy at first but at least you can look for a solution.

And importantly, take a look at your sex life.

What kind of sex are you having? Are you still trying to have sex the same way at 50 that you were at 20? All hot and horny, using sex to unconsciously release your emotional “stress”? Are you goal focussed, getting it up and heading straight for the end result before collapsing into sleep? Do you believe that having a long, strong erection is all your lover is looking for from you? Are you using porn to feed your desire with fantasy? Do you masturbate regularly with a “get it up and over and done with’ approach?vIf you’re doing any of these things it’s because of how you’ve been conditioned by society to go about it. Understand that each of these methods are going to take you away from a fully realized sexual potential (and a more powerful erection) and need to change. Slowing down, being less goal focussed, dropping porn for a few months, performing less and feeling more in yourself will change your experience of sex. Take more deep breaths. Be willing to be vulnerable, let your heart open. All things you might have wanted to avoid in the past but your body is telling now is the time…

The Obvious Solution

One of the most common ways of managing a loss of or inconsistent erection is the use of Viagra. There is no doubt that Viagra will give you more of a reliable erection. However, if you focus on great sex being all around your erection then you’re missing a big part of what making love is all about. We have spoken at length elsewhere about men’s sexual potential and how having a deeper relationship with both your cock and your heart (remember the heart disease and erectile dysfunction link?) will enable you to build new life into your erections without the use of chemicals.

There are occasions where Viagra is a viable solution for serious erectile issues related to disease development such a diabetes and prostate cancer. We just suggest you just don’t make it your first, or only, port of call…

So the next time your penis goes soft don’t panic

Don’t judge the poor thing.

Give it a rest for a few minutes, relax and see if it comes back of its own accord. In the meantime spend the time connecting with your lover, either offering them your touch with your hands and/or tongue. After a while you can self pleasure to see if your erection wants to come back. Even better, just be in total stillness and deep breathe, connect with the inside of you. Notice any feelings that might be there and give yourself permission to feel them. If nothing is there experience nothing, in doing this nothing can subtly become something wonderful, as it gives time for our hearts to open and deeper levels of consciousness to be experienced. You can also become more aware of the finer feelings of sexual energy moving between you.

Lingam Massage can help

One of the underlying factors in penis performance is a build up of tension around your genitals from long standing habits of tensing up, hard thrusting in sex and sitting a lot. What this does is that it builds tension in the sexual muscles, most notably your inner thighs, lower belly, groin and especially in your perineum. Your perineum is the area between your balls and your anus, under which your prostate, the seat of your male sexuality lives. This tension builds up so slowly over time that often you don’t even know it’s there. It can lead into a form of genital numbness directly affecting your sexual performance. So get into the habit of massaging these areas as part of your sexual health maintenance. Start gently if they’re painful, or more firmly if they’re numb to loosen and free up the tension here. Spread your legs, pull your knees up, turn your toes outward all help you to get in there. Using oil can be more effective and more comfortable. Massage oils, coconut, almond or even olive oils are fine. Invite your lover to massage you as part of your love play.

Connect with your Cock

Underlying the muscular tension in your genitals is any emotional tension you are carrying in your genitals. Believe it or not, residues of unexpressed feelings about unsatisfying sex, sexual rejection (and we’ve all been there!), your anger at women, inadequacies or shame about how you see yourself as a sexual male, or even just as a male, all live in the tissues of your genitals. This blocked emotional tension, just like the physical tension will directly impact on your cock’s desire to rise to the occasion. The way to release it is to take the time to connect with your cock’s innate intelligence (yes, it has an intuitive intelligence of its very own). Instead of telling it what to do try to listen to it for a change. Take your attention to it, hold it in your hands, breathe and really feel into it. It will let you know what it needs to release this blocked hurt. Often it just wants to be felt and heard.

Know that An Erection Doesn’t Equal Pleasure

Believe it or not, your sexual pleasure does not rely on you having an erection. Only your conditioning makes you think it does. You can have a rock hard erection and feel very little. Alternatively, you can experience full body pleasure and orgasm without ANY erection at all. All you need to do is expand your mind to the possibility, to breathe more consciously and more deeply and touch yourself (and invite your lover too) all over in a variety of ways- soft, firm, slow, fast, slap, tickle, scratch, just holding still, play and experiment. Allow yourself to soften and open.

Some men post prostate surgery say they are having the best sex of their lives as it’s helped them step out of their familiar box they’ve had sex in.

Take a risk and see what you find. Your cock (or ‘lingam’ as we call it in Tantra speak, aka your wand of enlightenment) is leading the way.

If you have any questions or concerns regarding your erections we suggest a confidential email or phone call to Graeme on 0457 966696.

Not Dealing With Relationship Breakdown

Anxiety, Domestic Violence, Healthy Masculine, Healthy Sexual Masculinity, Men, Uncategorized

Not Dealing With Relationship Breakdown

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Our Hidden National Tragedy

Australians are reeling from the recent horrible & tragic consequences of a relationship breakdown in Brisbane, where a husband and father brutally murdered his wife and three small children, before stabbing himself to death.

There can never be an excuse for this kind of act.

Police had been involved

Prior to this horrific incident, police had been involved in this couples’ relationship breakdown, and had advised both of them to seek support regarding domestic violence and an ongoing dispute over child access.

Soon after this violent incident in Brisbane, an obviously distraught police investigator, who was involved at the scene of the crime, stated in a media interview:

“Is this an issue of a woman suffering significant domestic violence and her and her children perishing at the hands of the husband, or is it an instance of a husband being driven too far by issues he’s suffered by certain circumstances into committing acts of this form?”

He has since been stood down for these remarks.

Listen to His Words..

What is happening to the system

What has happened to a system designed to support both the people (and the children) involved in a relationship breakdown in a fair, humane and equitable manner, or has the system itself become part of the problem?

My own personal experience of this system

My own personal experience of dealing with this system as a man back in 2000 pushed me to the edge, where I was out in the paddock with a gun, ready to end it all.

I believe this recent incident has brought further to the surface, the ugly side of how the complex issues of relationship breakdown are poorly understood and handled.

Information available has limitations

In writing this article, I have spent many hours searching, reading and deciphering statistics, statistics and more statistics.

One thing from that search became very clear: relationship breakdown and domestic violence are not gender issues, but people issues. Yet they are being handled from a gender standpoint.

Finding an accurate picture is still very difficult, when (according to the ABS2017, Australian Bureau of Statistics) 87% of women don’t report domestic violence to the police and neither do 97% of men.

The reliable statistics we do have come from hospitalisation, coroner and police reports. The ABS2017 itself comments that their available data is limited, and are broadening their survey questions in an attempt to capture more of this picture.

Male suicide is barely the tip of the iceberg

Beyondblue survey has found Ambulance data indicates 30,197 attendances for men who attempted or had suicidal thoughts between 2015 – 16, yet hospital figures identified only @10,000.

“This study tells us that what we know about male suicide is just the tip of the iceberg” Beyond Blue Chair, Julia Gillard.

According to ABS2017, relationship breakdown is the common denominator for both men and women in exposure to violence, with 39% of women and 35% of men experiencing partner violence after separation.

An unpalatable truth

Surely these statistics show a perhaps unpalatable truth in the current social and political climate: that BOTH gendered partners are equally capable of unspeakable acts of violence and cruelty, in the common and highly volatile fuelled up and emotionally charged state of relationship breakdown.

See this next Link about the 2017 tragedy in Cairns, were Raina Thaiday murdered eight children in her care, aged from 27 months to 14 years, 4 boys and 4 girls. Seven of these children were her own, and a niece.

Police are forced to act

In my work as a Relationship Counsellor, I have regularly spoken to members of the police force involved in the hands on aspect of relationship breakdown.

They say that often they’re taking the wrong person ie. the man, away in handcuffs, where it is obvious that both people have been involved in creating the situation.

Making domestic violence a purely gender issue, and heaping all the blame and responsibility onto men, is I believe, making a bad situation worse.

We have a people problem, rather than a gender problem.

With partner violence, a woman is murdered every 6 days and a male every 10 days, yet when all other family members are included, such as children and siblings, victim numbers become relatively even.

My own experience of relationship breakdown

As a partner and parent, I went through my own relationship breakdown in 2000.

I still struggle to put into words the lasting effects of the systematic cruelty I experienced simply because I was a male. I lost my kids, I went from being full time with them to being ‘granted’ 4 days a month.

I was devastated, I spoke up and was simply told “this is the best things for the kids.”

How could I argue with that?

I still have those lawyer letters…

Under this system, my feelings were used against me

My emotionality, the fact I had feelings was used against me, I was devastated, deeply hurting and just plain lost didn’t matter.

My wife and her lawyer deemed I was unfit to have any increase in custody and even threatened an intervention order if I breached any of the ‘list of rules’, such as driving onto the property to pick my kids up.

I was forced to park out on the road, hundreds of meters away.

My solicitor was blunt when she cautioned me my actions or reactions were teaching and influencing my kids in how man treats women.

I had nowhere to go

My hands were tied with nowhere to go, but to suck it up.
Something died in me during this time.

My sense of loss and helplessness was, and still is painful even 20 years later.

Prior to our separation, as our long-term marriage faltered, we sought help.

During our couples counselling, I had my first gob smacking exposure to this undercurrent of bigoted ignorance towards men.

Why wasn’t I asked the same question ?

Our young woman counsellor asked my wife if she had ever been hit, or had experienced any form physical abuse or violence from me, to which she said no.

The counsellor moved on and I interrupted her and asked why didn’t she ask me that same question?

She just looked at me, as if I had suddenly contracted a contagious disease, then continued to move on.

I interrupted her and said that I had been hit on several occasions by my wife and what did she have to say about that?

Without a pause, she continued on with her diatribe and I lost much interest in couples counselling, even though we did try several others with even less success.

Some therapists make better truck drivers

Looking back, I see it now as total incompetence in relationship counselling, and I believe some therapists would make better truck drivers.

I see too that poor therapy is very damaging and that having no therapy is safer than bad therapy.

This is an article from ABC on poor therapy

Decades later, this whole event still saddens me.

My 3 children were also hurting and confused at that time. They felt then, and still feel, that I had abandoned them.

I didn’t want to end up in police custody

At their age, I couldn’t tell them what was really happening.

I wouldn’t say that I couldn’t see them simply because I was told by their mother and her lawyer that this is the way it is done.

And I didn’t say that any attempt by me to see more of them would most likely land me in police custody.

The local school could see what was happening, and suggested I come and sit with my children at school, especially my youngest.

My emotion was intense, my youngest just sat on my knee, clung to me and we both cried and cried. I only did this a couple of times, as it was too disruptive for everyone, including her class and teacher.

For me, losing access to my children, created in me a sense of powerlessness, overwhelm and pain that was and still is indescribable.

I am still shocked, decades later how cruel the system still is

I still shocked today, decades later, how heartless and inadequate our system was, and still is for vulnerable men who are hurting.

At no point during the first 18 months of separation was I given any credit or acknowledgement that I loved my kids or that I had a right to see them.

I was the token male whose sole function was purely for financial support and how dare I have feelings for my kids…

My access was measured and limited by financial reasons.

If I was allowed more than a certain number of days per year, the amount I paid would be reduced, which was determined by their mother and her lawyer.

My experience with the Family Law system was beyond belief, every step in this process took months and cost 000’s, with a greedy, heartless and extremely predatory legal system supporting it.

Meeting the Child Support Agency

After separation my ex’s legal genius advised her to remove all joint money and freeze all our bank accounts, in spite that I had agreed and supported her managing business accounts and finances.

On top of lost access, my cash and business accounts had gone or were frozen, despite having a business to run, to live plus child support to pay.

Now I just had to do it with no funds, business or other financial means.

I contacted the Child Support Agency explaining my situation.

They were very clear and stated that my next payment was due next week and they expected it to be made, otherwise there would be penalties.

There was no offer of support or guidance, just a simple threat “pay up or else, and it’s not our problem…”

That really pissed me off.

During the first 3-4 months of hell and indescribable agony of separation, I was slowly and steadily sliding into a deep dark hole.

I was in a bad way

I was unaware of my decline, I was in a bad way.

I remember a conversation at this time with my parents, about what was happening

They refused to believe it and declined to help me, stating that my ex “would never do a thing like that”.

I felt betrayed, I walked out and never had a conversation about that or much else with them again.

A few days later, I was out in the paddock with a gun, ready to end it all.

I held my breath and was about to pull the trigger, when the family dog jumped into the front of my ute with me and broke that spell.

I ended up out on the ground, vomiting, and I think I must have blacked out, as when I came out of it the dog was lying beside me with its head resting on my chest.

I broke into tears at the sheer helplessness of my situation.

From that point, I started to climb out my black hole.

I rang Lifeline later that day and a friend was on duty and I spilled my story.

As a current and active Lifeline counsellor, I knew Lifeline was absolutely brilliant, it is free, confidential & 24/7 for any phone call.

Plus, they have one of the most comprehensive computerised data bases of all local services available for people in crisis, like me.

My friends at Lifeline knew something was happening in my life, and after that call, my support really kicked in.

From that moment in time, I threw myself into every kind of self-learning and personal development I could lay my hands on so I could do better than just survive.

Some of this learning happened on weekends.

My ex refused to swap these weekends with me so I missed out on several with my kids during this healing phase, her routine was more important than kids seeing their father.

This meant sometimes four, and at one point six weeks between visits, even though they lived locally.

I will never get that time back.

If I was successful in my ‘attempt’ to end it all, nobody would have known my agony or my reasons, and most likely my actions would have been put down to a ‘mental illness’.

Even today, only a handful of people know my story and how I felt during that time.

Man up

It’s as if “men don’t have feelings, so man up and get over it…”.

Even life long friends bailed out of my life during that time.

From my own personal experience with this systematic form of ignorance, cruelty and torture, I understand (but do not excuse) how men take their own lives or, God forbid, act out something much worse.

According to the Australia Brotherhood of Fathers , 21 men in Australia commit suicide each week as a result of relationship breakdown and our Family Law System.

Out of a total of @ 2,700 Australian (ABS2017) men who suicide each year, that’s over 1000 lives annually, lost to systematic ignorance and cruelty.

Continuing a one sided approach in managing our national tragedy of relationship breakdown and domestic violence is clearly not working.

We have a people problem, not a gender problem..

Too Tired For Sex

Anxiety, Healthy Masculine, Healthy Sexual Masculinity, intimate relationship, Men, Uncategorized, Women and Sex

We’re always too tired to have sex…

What can we do about it?

( links may take you to another of our secure websites )

Statistics say that long term couples are working harder and longer hours and, as a result, having less sex than ever before.

This is due, at least in part, to the type of sex people believe is required- an exhausting huff and puff performance.

This is not particularly tempting last thing at night after a hard day.

It can easily degenerate into the scratching of an itch and a release of tension more than creating any kind of fulfilling pleasure or meaningful connection.

Eventually even scratching the itch can become too hard and it’s easier to stay in front of the TV or computer screen.

How about making a shift from sex where you relax at the end to sex where you relax at the beginning?

How do you do this? It’s making the shift from tension release sex to allowing the pleasure to arise from within and is a whole different ballgame (if you’ll pardon the pun!)

In the Bedroom…

Start out by just lying together and holding each other. Melt your bodies as close together as possible.

Preferably be naked, but this is not essential.

Bring your attention to your senses- notice how good it feels just to hold and be held.

Breathe deeply into your bellies and consciously relax as you exhale.

Focus your mind on noticing what you’re feeling in your body. It can take a few minutes for your mind to quieten but give yourself time for this.

Make no judgements on what you’re experiencing, feeling or not feeling.

Or if judgements arise just mentally let them go. Breathe into your hearts for a few moments.

Once you feel relaxed you can move your hands to hold a more sexual part of your lover- his lingam (penis/cock), her butt or breast (holding only, not moving at this stage).

Keep breathing consciously focussing onto your genitals this time.

Again have no agenda about creating anything just notice what happens.

Once you’re feeling really relaxed and connected to each other you can include some gentle stroking of other parts you can reach.

You’ll notice that if you get out of your own way your desire will arise all by itself!

Outside of the bedroom…

Our sexual desire and pleasure is also about much more than just what happens in bed.

It’s about how we’re caring for ourselves outside of the bedroom, because energy for sex is the same as energy for life.

How stressed and tired we are, how disconnected we might be from ourselves or our partners, emotionally shut down, working in jobs we don’t particularly like or doing very long hours, caring for children or ageing parents, with no time for relaxation or anything creative, possibly resulting in a lack of exercise, a poor diet or excess alcohol all impact on our availability for sex.

Not to mention being menopausal or the use of common medications such as those for high blood pressure, anti depressants and more that also lower our libido…

So these are two things you can look at in regards to being too tired for sex- what’s happening in the rest of your life that’s draining your energy and leaving you too tired for sex?

And what kind of sex are you having? The kind that’s all about the release of tension (that actually drains your energy further) or an exchange of energy that is connecting, rejuvenating and inspiring…

What is Tantric Sex?

Return To Hot Relationship Topics

Men and Anxiety

Anxiety, Healthy Masculine, Healthy Sexual Masculinity, Men

Sitting in front of us is a man who is hurting and he doesn’t know why.

All he knows is that he’s hurting.

He is feeling stressed, maybe depressed, or bewildered, controlled or burdened by life. What he longs for is freedom from his pain.

He seeks this freedom in sex but finds it is leaving him less and less satisfied.

He also longs for some kind of connection with another human being to help him feel human again, loved and desired instead of isolated and alone. He believes that sex should give him this but these desires too, are going largely unsatisfied.

It’s getting harder for him to propose sex as his fear of rejection, of his pathway to the things he longs for, is annihilating.

His erections frighteningly are becoming less reliable.

He covers his pain with store of bitter throw away lines, off colour jokes, bravado and silence.

What is happening here is a man victimized by his conditioning, unable to find a way out.

We let him know that his way out is becoming more sexual, not less.

He looks at us with bewilderment on his face.

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“Isn’t my focus on too much sex the thing that is getting me in trouble in the first place?”

We say again that the way out for him is a gaining greater love for himself and his sexuality.

Not to just go through the motions of what he’s been taught sex is.

But to find true freedom in it, all the way through, rather than just at the end.

And that doing so will bring him more of the pleasure and feelings of connection that he longs for. Feelings that will not disappear with the end of his erection.

He says that the sex he’s having now is pretty good, he could just learn to perform a bit better.

We ask him if his sex is truly satisfying, if it leaves him him sated for hours, if not days, and feeling energized rather than spent?

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“Is that really possible?” he says.

We reply “Not only is this possible but it’s not reliant on your ability to perform, give your partner an orgasm or even have an erection”.

We ask him too, if the sex he’s having now touches his heart?

Or does it rely on some form of control or shame- an edginess or dirtiness for it to work for him?

Or is he free to flow from the edges of intense passion to exquisite tenderness and back again?

Deeply fulfilling sex is mandatory for a man to live a truly satisfying, happy and healthy life.

Despite what he might have been told, this doesn’t have to look a particular way, it’s more about where the man is being inside of it. His sex can be hot, passionate, naughty, edgy and more, the difference is his heart is open and his sex is not controlled by power games or shame.

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This world is suffering from the majority of men being shamed about and disconnected from their true sexual nature. Their conditioning leads them to seek tension and release, needing to perform and finding freedom in their ejaculation rather than in the act of sex itself. Not to mention causing them to miss out on the infinite pleasure and love they are capable of. This leads to sex with a partner soon becoming a thing of the past.

The deeper, more expansive his sex the more life, love, true power, freedom and happiness he will feel in himself and bring to his world.

When his heart connected sex closes down man clings to what he knows and fears change.

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When he is closed off, emotionally unavailable and shamed he cannot express his fears, share his true desires or respect his partners boundaries. The messages he receives about how he ‘should be’ in sex come from other men equally in the dark, from women who want him to be something that he is not or from today’s overwhelmingly negative sex culture. Messages about how wrong he is shame and disrespect his sense of self and leave him less able to respect his own, and his partner’s desires and boundaries.

Patriarchy, civilized and politically correct society shame him for wanting the rawness of sex and lock him into performing, denying him the freedom of really feeling, enjoying and opening into it. Easy access to the powerful medium of porn, whether it’s online or in the ads he sees on his way home from work manipulate him into believing porn sex is the only form of sex there is. Porn hijacks man’s wild side and steeps it in shame, leaving him desiring sex that is disconnected from who he really is, despite appearing to serve it.

Crying man being told I don't love you anymore

Even today man has been raised to have a tough exterior shell against the world, to be sexual from this shell and go for what he ‘thinks’ he wants. To take, or to give at the expense of himself, rather than to express who he truly is. His conditioning leaves him unconscious in his power over woman in sex, not seeing her willingness to override herself and fake sex in her need to please him. Or it leaves him unable to fully meet her genuine sexual desire because of his own place of shame in the #MeToo age.

He will not tell the truth of his experience because it is unsafe for him to do so.

Even if a man has a clue that there is something more to be had in sex the pervading anti sex, porn sex and the derision of toxic masculine culture will shame his voice before it gets a chance to be expressed.

Man needs permission to unleash his full masculine energy and access his wild warrior heart to allow his spirit to soar and his soul to be free.

As well as allowing him to receive love and holding giving him to access his tender heart as a man, rather than grasping at it as an unformed boy.

Only at this level can he truly trust and love himself enough to be fully seen.

This is a man worth being with for a lifetime.

We have seen this over and over again in the men we have worked with over the years. This is how to make a beginning…

As a Man it is time to change your sexual goals to give you more of what you want

Rather than following your instinctive nature to pursue, catch and bask in the achievement of woman instead pursue your understanding of your own sexual nature. Pursue its ultimate pleasure, power, freedom and yes, even love. Not love of the romantic kind but mysterious love that lies beyond words, that is about you as much as your partner, that is about the very essence of life itself.

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Learn to enjoy sex in full bodied relaxation and unlimited pleasure. Know that your whole body can become as pleasurable as your cock if you breathe and relax. Be free to play in the moment, opening yourself to the potential of meaningful, real time connection. Connect your cock to your heart and find your masculine divinity through your sexuality rather than learning to make love like a woman. Discover your open your masculine heart, for the softer you become in your masculine heart the harder you become where it counts.

Supporting Man to move beyond his conditioning

Rather than criticize his performance and drive him further into shame, insensitivity and numbness ask him what he is truly longing for in sex (this is going to lie outside of his shame and his conditioned responses and will take time for him to access it).

Let him know you desire to meet him there.

Keep asking till he believes you really want to do so.

Support and validate his vulnerability in this place.

Keep asking till he unravels a lifetime of conditioning- of beliefs, habits, body tension and genital numbness.

Touch his genitals and spread your touch out the rest of him, so he can learn to relax and let go, rather than leave this bit of him till last. Encourage him to breathe deeply and go slow.

Explore with him to find what IS possible, that which lives beyond your wildest dreams, because this is where you will BOTH get what you most want.

For support contact us by email here

Our book & Ebook are easily obtainable if you desire to learn more about this part of yourself

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